A sample of greeting cards inspired by “Daddy Days”
It’s been a few years but I’m dusting off the idea of re-launching a greeting card business. That’s right, Greetings by Daddy Days is back! I’ve joked in the past that there’s a market for paper greeting cards because almost nothing is on paper anymore and there’s a generation of inarticulate millennials who can’t write what they mean with words. Going back to communication in pictograms (OK, emojis or whatever you want to call them) will get you there.
Either way, that’s still true, but I see there’s an even bigger niche market for Greetings by Daddy Days. It’s exclusively for parents and comes in handy for situations and experiences that Hallmark simply doesn’t cover.
I decided that it would be trendy to name the different thematic maps after people. I just pulled these names out of the hat, so any resemblance to real people and events is entirely coincidental. Most likely.
Here are some sample cards for your perusal.
I’m sorry my son hit you in the face with his head detached from a badminton racket he was swinging on the 4th of July. I know you said it was a freak accident but I’m sorry anyway. I’m even more sorry that the next day is picture day.
I know I know. You will probably never need this card. But let me tell you, if you do, you’re going to be so happy it exists.
I’m sorry my kids have the sight of eagles and see you walking your dog six blocks away and then ambushing you with demands to give him treats.
As you will see, the “I’m sorry…” collection is overrepresented here. But there is also a collection of thanks.
Thanks for throwing all the Nerf darts, wiffle balls, soccer balls, plastic shovels and buckets in the yard. I have been assured that they were all accidentally thrown over your fence. Thank you in advance for doing it tomorrow as well. It will also be an accident.
Thank you for allowing the one year old to “converse” when he shouts inarticulate noises at you from across the street. I’m standing next to him and I don’t know what he’s saying but he knows you understand it.
Thank you for hiring my boys for their first job. I hope it went as well on your end as they thought it would on theirs. Also, the 9-year-old’s suggestion that you “pay what you think the raked leaves are worth” was not a subtle mafia-style shake-up. I think.
Thank you for all the fantastic used clothes for boys. Thanks also for having great taste in boys’ clothes. Toddler has never looked so cool and I’ve never been so disappointed that I can’t fit into a size 2T muscle shirt.
And then there’s the thank you AND I’m sorry collection.
Please always greet the boys whenever you leave your house. I’m sorry they’re usually lined up outside the window in their underwear when they answer.
Thank you for inviting the family to your home for brunch. The pastries and various breakfast items were delicious. The boys said be sure and thank you for the 37 apple pies they ate. This is the first time I’ve heard of this, so thank you. And I’m sorry.
Thank you for having the best tree to climb, the best driveway to do scooter U-turns, and the freezer most likely to contain frozen treats. Plus, I’m sorry the boys know you’ve got the best tree to climb, the best driveway for scooter U-turns, and the (formerly) freezer most likely to hold frozen treats.
Thank you for being friendly with the one year old despite being a bit of a thug. I’m sorry his preferred mode of communication is giving you the eye and the dot. It’s super rude. If it helps, these are also his preferred ways of communicating with his grandfathers, so you’re in good company.
Harris and his wife live in Pflugerville with their six sons. Please send your comments or suggestions for future sections firstname.lastname@example.org.